How Caitlyn C's It

The key to success is confidence. But the key to confidence is not a key at all. It’s more of a trench coat. 

By that, I mean confidence is something you wear, something you own, not necessarily something that is a part of you. Confidence is something that you put on each morning and walk out the door with so that you can function and succeed. Much like a trench coat in New York City during wintertime, without one, you’d be defenseless against the cold. 

For me, confidence has been the most important element to my “success.” Everything I’ve ever gotten has been brought to fruition with confidence. Not to say confidence is the only thing you need to succeed, but you will need it to be successful. 

Breaking down “confidence”

But let’s talk about confidence, especially if I’m telling you it’s not something you are born with. Confidence is the appearance that you truly believe you belong where you are and you are capable of being there (if that makes any sense). Many people see confidence with a “fake it till you make it attitude,” but really, everything about confidence is fabricated. There is no secret sauce to confidence. Either you own it and put it on daily, or you choose not to. Choosing is the key idea here. 

If you are someone who has never been able to find that confidence and wear it, I can help. I always had major imposter syndrome everywhere I went and constantly wore the look of an unconfident girl. Mostly in situations like sports or school; however, it eventually spilled out to places I felt out of place, like a bougie restaurant or a new country. News flash, if you are allowed to walk into an establishment and have a seat at a table, you belong there. No one else can tell you otherwise. Doors do not open for people who cannot walk inside.

getting a “confidence” coat

The first step to having confidence is finding out how to wear it. What does confidence look like? 

Personally, it looks like eye contact, standing up straight, speaking clearly but politely and respectfully.

I want to make a quick distinction, confidence is NOT being cocky, nor is it rude. Many people see “confidence” as barking orders at people and being snobby; that is not what we are going for. Confidence is feeling like you belong somewhere, not that you are entitled to be somewhere. Huuuuuuuge difference. 

A great way to practice this is in controlled settings like work, in your hometown, or at home. If you are usually one to stay quiet during meetings, speak up on a topic you’re passionate about, or have an opinion. If you normally place your order saying, “Um, can I get an um vanilla latte if you have it?” say, “Hi! Can I please get a vanilla latte? Thank you so much!” Not only is that more confident, but also slightly more polite.

The second step, and maybe the hardest, is to continue this attitude into new situations because that’s where confidence will get you places. For me, that looks like job interviews, new conversations at work, and even new countries like when I went to France.

When you go into a situation without your confidence coat on, you go into that situation vulnerable, and you are almost telling the other person that you are scared and you are the one to be taken control of. And in no circumstance does that help you. I cannot imagine one situation where you’d want people to think you’re scared. By wearing your confidence consistently and in new situations, you are building a habit of having confidence, which will become second nature. Not a part of you, but second nature. 

I tell people I am a confident person, but really, I’m just always wearing my confidence coat. If I took off that coat and stopped applying the energy to be confident, my inner dialogue would come out to doubt myself again. 

the confidence challenge

The most difficult part is not letting people take off your confidence you worked so hard to get and wear. I’ve had situations where people have tried to make fun of my confidence to make me feel small. Nine times out of ten, those kinds of people don’t think your confidence is weird; they want it! It’s super easy to let them take it, but in times like those, you must maintain your confidence. In the true words of my favorite musical, don’t let them rain on your parade. Much like an actual trench coat, it might rain, but that coat is there to protect you; if you take it off, all you do is make yourself miserable. 

Confidence is a scary word, and for some, it can seem like a goal far out of reach. If you look at confidence as something you own and not something you become, approaching life confidently can become a reality. To be super transparent, I still have some days where I don’t feel like being confident and it feels like too much work. But after wearing my confidence for so long, it has become second nature to put on that confidence coat the second I walk out the door into the world. I will say that my confidence coat has become the best investment for my success, both personally and professionally. 

If you want to talk about getting your hands on a confidence coat, feel free to X me (previously Twitter, sadly) or dm me on Instagram, both @caitlyngarrity. Additionally, below are some podcasts/influencers that I look to for advice on confidence.

Whitney Simmons (@whitneyysimmons on TikTok)

Sophia La Corte (@sophialacorte on TikTok)

Christina Stratton (@christinastrat on TikTok)