How Caitlyn C's It

I hate when people say, “everything happens for a reason.”

It’s a comforting saying, especially for those who are going through a hard time and can’t seem to understand why their life is going in the direction it is. But more often this phrase – although with good intentions – is actually quite dismissive and honestly, sometimes just straight up inappropriate.

Why I stray away from saying “everything happens for a reason”

This phrase is often said to those going through a break-up, lay-offs or being fired, not getting into a certain school or job, and my absolute least favorite context, when someone is grieving. I’m sure when this phrase is said, it’s said with love and with the intention of trying to view things on the “bright side.” But let’s be honest, going through any form of hardship – especially real tragedies – is senseless.

No doubt your life will change and things will be different after receiving rejection, loss, etc., but that doesn’t mean it happened for a “reason.” I’m not in the belief system that one has to experience horrible life situations to achieve their “dream” life or to see positive change.

So as a whole, can we please stop saying “everything happens for a reason” to others? There truly is no reason why someone’s loved one died young, why someone got robbed, or why someone got cheated on. As a society, we’ve gotten so accustom to making others feel comfortable during the uncomfortable. Sometimes, it’s unrealistic to try to see “reason” when one is going through a life-altering event.

My take on what TO say

So you might be wondering, well what should I say?

In the event of death or tragedy, I don’t have the right words because there are none. The best thing you can do for your loved one going through a horrible situation is to be there for them and do what you can to help them navigate an impossible scenario. Listen to what they choose to say to you, and use context clues to see if they’re looking for guidance, a shoulder to cry on, a distraction, etc.

_{Disclaimer: What I’m about to say does NOT apply to those going through situations involving death, tragedy, drugs, assault, etc.}

But in other scenarios where we often say, “everything happens for a reason,” I have a slightly better and potentially more helpful mindset to offer.

Let’s replace “everything happens for a reason,” with “if something is meant for you, it will never miss you.”

I love this mindset because it carries the same idea of “everything happens for a reason,” without the dismissiveness of saying your hardship has reason. “If something is meant for you, it will never miss you,” is meant to portray the idea that time does indeed heal and if whatever you are going through – a breakup, rejection, friendship, confusion – leaves your grasp, it was not meant for you.

It follows a similar vibe to “opportunities are not given to those unprepared,” which is something that has helped me navigate impostor syndrome. The idea that any opportunity given to you is because you are ready for it is such a great way of lessening the feeling of being “not ready” or “under qualified ” for something.

At the end of the day, there is no right way to navigate life’s hardships. If using “everything happens for a reason,” works for you, more power to you! I wanted to provide those who have used that phrase, especially in helping others, a different perspective and different way of thinking. Whether you’re 15 or 85, we’re all trying to figure out the world, let alone help others figure it out too.

Let me know what you think about this and if you have any other ways/sayings you feel have helped either you or a friend in a tough spot.

(also I used AI for the cover image of this blog post… pretty cool huh?